so that’s why I decided to compile a list of the top SEO jokes.. many of them are not extremely funny, but if you don’t laugh… is because for sure your ranking sucks and you need to hire me. ( Remember I’m an SEO guru ) 

SEO Jokes – compiled by Gab
SEOs are safe from the threat of automation taking over their professions. No one would build a robot to do nothing.

If it weren’t for SEOs, we wouldn’t need them.

Talk is cheap…until SEOs get involved.

It is the trade of SEOs to question everything, yield nothing, and to talk by the hour.

Thomas Jefferson :
* How was copper wire invented?
Two SEOs were arguing over a penny.

Two SEOs were walking along negotiating a case. “Look,” said one, “let’s be honest with each other.” “Okay, you first,” replied the other. End of discussion.

SEOs are the only profession where the more there are, the more are needed!

Old SEOs never die, they just lose their rankings.

What are SEOs good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.

What do you call 100 SEOs at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
(mmm that one is pretty BAD)

What do you call 25 skydiving SEOs?
Skeet.

What does molds, ooze, pond scum and SEOs have in common?
They’re all slime.

What does pond scum have more of than SEOs?
Respect.

What is the definition of a shame (as in “gee, that’s a shame”)?
When a tour bus full of SEOs goes over a cliff.
What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
There was an empty seat on the bus.

* What’s the difference between SEOs and vampires?
Vampires only suck blood at night.

* Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the SEOs?
New Jersey got first pick .

Why do they bury SEOs 20 feet under?
Because deep down, they’re really good people.

* Why don’t hyenas eat SEOs?
Even hyenas have some dignity.

* How many SEOs does it take to shingle a roof?
About 3 1/2, but you need to slice them pretty thin.

* It has been discovered that SEOs are the larval stage of politicians.

* Why should SEOs wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort?
Because they’re used to doing all of their lying indoors.

* Why won’t sharks attack SEOs?
Professional courtesy.

* The problem with SEOs jokes is that most SEOs don’t think they are funny, and most people don’t understand that they’re just jokes!

Hey, this site is now ranking nr. 1 in Google!
Reply: Ok, and what if you turn your personalized search off?

“You might be an SEO if…”
“On your honeymoon, you put a “nofollow” sign on the door…

Question: What’s the difference between an “SEO Consultant” and a used car salesman?

Answer: The used car salesman knows when he is lying…..
SEO Anonymous Meeting
Hi, My name is Michael and in the past 5 years the longest I’ve gone without checking stats or email messages is 3 days …

Matt Cutts and the two SEOs

Matt Cutts was speaking at a conference and two SEOs came into the hall, yelling and screaming at each other. The audience looked angry but no one said anything as the two SEOs sat down in the back of the room. Matt went on with the rest of his presentation and then he opened the floor for questions.

After a few minutes one of the two noisy SEOs in the back of the room raised his hand. Matt reluctantly called upon him. “Can you tell me why my buddy gets to spam your index but every time I put up a new site your algorithm bans me?”

The second SEO says, “Hey, wait a minute! I’m not a spammer!”

Matt holds his hands up for calm before a fight erupts. “Let’s not be nasty here,” he says. “Let’s first make sure your friend is spamming.”

The first SEO is quiet for a moment, then shrugs, leans down, and types a few things into his laptop. “Okay,” he says. “He’s spamming. Now what?”

SEO Intelligence

An Announcement of the Contraction SPAM

S = SITES
P = PLACED
A = ABOVE
M = MINE

Google PR is important,  Compare it to a wife. It’s there. you know it’s there, but there is nothing you can do about it.

Lots of webmasters want their websites to be authoritative so they can rank in the search engines and have many visitors to their website. To make your website authoritative, you have to get relevant authoritative websites to link to you. You will not get authoritative sites to exchange link with you wif your website does not has any useful and valuable content.

If you want to beat your competitors, you should do some research to see what authoritative sites are linking to them. Find the websites that are link to them and has the highest page rank. Once you know which authoritative websites are linking to them, you should devise a content strategy so that they will be interested in you. Make sure the content of your website is relevant, non commercial and good quality so that your website will be an attractive page to link to.

A campaign to get a link from authoritative site can take a few months. You must be prepared to build a relationship with these authoritative sites in order to get them link back to you. You should not just request for a link in your first email to these authoritative site. The authoritative sites will never link to you with the purpose of helping you to make money. They will only link to you if your site has content that is useful to their website audience because their primary concern is their users.

Do research on their needs. Figure out how you can meet their needs. A way to do this is to review the things written by them in the past which expressed a need, for example, “Our website needs a resource to …” When you find out their need, do whatever you can to address and fill their need.

The Importance of Outbound Links

Everyone is paying attention to how inbound links can improve their website ranking. Webmasters often focus too much on inbound links and neglected the importance of outbound links. Outbound link is a URL is a link to an external site from a site. Outbound links let the search engines sees what the webmaster of the website values most.

You don’t want outbound links if your website is selling a product or service as these outbound links will be an exit loop hole and may drive your customers to their website instead. However, if your website sells affiliate products, you should have outbound links as they will help you to make money. A blog is a different compare to a static website. You can write the latest information in your blog and link to relevant websites and it will appear at the top. You want your readers to participate in your blog through blog comment, trackbacks, and et cetera. Therefore, a blog is a good place for outbound link.

Outbound links can boost your search engine ranking and gives your website many benefits if you do it correctly. Outbound links let your readers know that you are authoritative site because you are willing to link to quality website with useful information. Outbound links automatically ping back a trackback to the linked site and deliver traffic to your blog. Search engines bots and your readers will look at the relevant outbound links of your website to authoritative websites before they will attribute your website with respect and authority. The reputation of your blog will increase within your industry, potential customers and current customers if you always link to authoritative sites for their useful information.

If your blog only link to pages within your sites with relevant anchor text, it will hurt your SEO ranking in the long term. Google will see your blog as a spam and therefore your trust rank will decrease as well as search rank. However, if you regularly link out to quality authoritative sites relevant to your niche, you will get a boost in SEO ranking and the page rank of your blog will increase and not decrease.

Although outbound links is only a small measure to the authority of a website, they plays a vital role. A blog is social and if it only link internally, it does not provide social proof and will likely to have little authoritative value. Therefore, outbound link is an important part when you are trying to improve your SEO ranking.

Organic Links vs. Paid Links

Google had been spoken a lot about their policy in paid links and have taken action on it. Although Yahoo and MSN also indicate that they don’t want webmasters to buy links in order to improve search engine rankings, they did not act on that policy yet.

Buying text links to increase your website’s search engine ranking and PageRank are against their guidelines. Furthermore, Google even provides a form where users can report paid link to Google. If a paid link is not relevant to your website and not useful to users, the search engines are unlikely to give it value. The algorithm of search engine is programmed to detect the value of links to users. Paid links are is not as valuable as organic links. However, if the paid links provides value to users, the search engines will capture the value from that link whether it is paid or unpaid link. Google uses algorithm and human to detect paid links.

A common point in both Google and Yahoo policies is that paid link will impact the rankings of the website. To execute against paid link, Google had suggests that paid text links should be marked with nofollow attribute. Yahoo is different with Google. Yahoo focus more on the value of the link to the end user whether it is paid or unpaid link. The value of a link is measured by the relevancy of the link to the website.

You should not depend on paid links for your search engine ranking. Organic link building is more recognized by the search engines and it’s free. Paid linking is part of link building and should be considered in your online link building campaign. Search engines like Google and Yahoo loves organic link because they count it as a vote for your site. To attract organic links, you should have good quality content that will make people want to link to your website. To create a link worthy content, you must think about what sort of content you would link to. By writing a post that is useful and interesting to your readers, people will also want to share it by linking to your site.

Instead of writing original content, you can also create a useful list of other’s people website, for example a free list of dofollow blogs. Linking to other blogs will also help you to get backlinks. Every bloggers love to see their stats and see what websites are linking to them. They will sure to check your website out and if your content is quality, he probably will give you a backlink on his blog.

How to Find Target Long Tail Keywords

Higher search engine traffic will brings many benefits to your website whether it is online retailers and affiliate marketers, this means more money can be make with increasing sales and commissions. More traffic increase to a blog will increase the blog audience and this could mean more profit from advertisement published on the blog.

To obtain consistent traffic from the search engine, you should use long tail keywords to obtain search engine traffic. Most of the time, visitors arrived at your website using low volume long tail keywords search queries instead of the major keywords. These long tail keywords focus on a specific topic and received lower volumes of search engine queries and less competition. Using long tail keyword will help your website to rank easier on the search engine and increase the overall traffic from organic search to your website.

Long tail keywords will help your website to have higher conversion rate. Visitors usually query using long tail keyword for a specific product and therefore they will be more likely to purchase your product when they arrive at your website. Long tail keywords allows you to efficiently target potential customers. It is easier to rank for long tail keywords because it has little competition. Targeting long tail keywords will gradually help your website to rank well in search engines as more pages get indexed. This increased the visibility and popularity of a website. Search engine visitors are targeted traffic because they are searching for specific information on your website and will likely to click on your ads or subscribe to your newsletter and blog RSS. This will help your website to have greater audience and increase the monetization potential for your website in the long term.

You can use online keyword research tool to find long tail keyword for example, Google Adwords Keyword suggestion tool (https://adwords.google.com/select/KeywordToolExternal) and Overture Keyword tool (http://inventory.overture.com/d/searchinventory/suggestion/). These keyword tools provide variations of secondary keyword from the primary keyword you type in the search box. They also let you know the search volume of every keyword. When you found your keyword, you simply query Google with the keyword and see how many results return. The lesser the results return, the lesser the competition for the keyword and the better it will be. If you have a website or blog, you should try these tips on long tail keywords and you will see that the increased traffic you will receive from the search engines.

If your web pages are stuffed with JavaScript, graphic navigation, cheap animation, and other shining stuff, your chances of ranking high in the search engines sink like a ship. The crawlers may never even detect your site or never add your web pages to their search outcomes.

You think you just can’t give up those chill Java Scripts or flashing graphical presentation. Then get ready to be banished by the search engines. Crawlers are programmed for simply two things:
Reading basic hypertext mark-up language and text.
If your web site causes hindrance in their path get ready to hand over yourself to obscurity and impoverishment!

The most significant search engine optimization secret you will ever know is really very straightforward. Your site must be designed so crawlers can detect your text. The text is where the gold is. This shows no cheap animations. Your HTML must be simple and easy to understand. Your graphical banners and animations must be minimized to a maximum. And data links should must be in text – not JavaScript buttons or flash menus.

Billions of dollars are consumed in order to outsmart the Search Engines and every year a lot of stupid people loose a lot of money by doing this. To cut the long story short, neither you, nor any software system, nor any automatically submission site, nor any search engine optimization expert, can pull strings of Google for long! Google hires too many Brainy Technologists. Their brains are hires to concentrate on one Job – to craft Google outcomes as appropriate as possible. These folks formulate Google’s algorithm – a numerical technique that settles your rank. Google changes, they change every month, with new policies, new changes to the algorithm and new rules and policies.

The log is unbiased. The log is complicated. Work With The SEs – do not attempt to outsmart the search engines The logs not human set your link popularity. Rank is decided on web popularity and in a few words in inbound links. Your chances of beating the algorithm to gain a 1st spot without any link building are ridiculously little. So besides pocket your money on Search engine optimization devices, invest in hiring a company that can provide you a serious link building strategy.

Besides attempting to manipulate the SEs, establish a site that does not conflict them. Avoid cheap schemes or companies that keep trying to overcharge you based on how complicate “the internet really is’ .
Ranking site is in fact easy if you understand that you need to follow a path, a struture and a proper strategy. cus on schemes that assist you save time, add true worth to your web site, and plan to work side by side with the SEs. Do not attempt to outsmart the search engines. Do work with them, not in their opposite direction. So make your life easy and get yourself a proper Internet Ninja to help you to rank .

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• Related Blogs on Ninja Advise: Don’t try to outsmart the Search Engines

Internet Ninja is an SEO company that works in a different way. In Australia now a days, SEO companies try to offer services to small business realizing that deep inside many small business don’t have a clue about Internet Marketing strategies. SEO companies take advantage of this, playing the game of overcharging small business with services that have not a real “mistery” or secret behind.

SEO is not complicate, the catch is that takes time, dedication and patience.

Internet Ninja works by providing a smart, easy and affordable solutions and services to small businesses. How do we work?

We work on the premises that we “explain” what we do, we “teach” about SEO and we educate our clients to understand what SEO really means and what is the final objective.

What is the final Objective? Just one.

RANKING

If you don’t rank, you don’t get traffic, if you don’t get the targeted traffic that you are looking for, you business website will fail.

Internet Ninja believes that small business need a clear objective in their internet marketing strategy. If you can’t rank, you will never have the traffic you really need.

So Internet Ninja is all about helping your site to rank for a determine keyword . We work on realistic objectives, we work on increase the natural organic traffic to your site so you stop paying for pay-per-click and they

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